Aemi's Personal Journal

December 21, 1889 (One Year Ago)

I have just been transferred to the Asian Branch of the Black Order with another Exorcist named Devi. We got on the train several hours ago, and I'll be heading to sleep soon. Devi seems to have made herself comfortable with the one boy who she's fancied for as long as she can remember, so I don't have to worry about her for quite some time...

I just finished sneaking through the Research section of the Order... still nothing on Allen's disappearance. Ever since they imprisoned him, they've been keeping information on him on the locks. I haven't heard from him since then, and rumor has it, he had escaped from his chambers.

Just as I had found confidential information on the prison island he had been kept on, one of the clergymen had walked in and I had to sneak out immediately. I couldn't bring the files with me, because they moderately check them every now and then, and they'd notice their disappearance.

I hope that he's okay... a day doesn't go by that I'm not worrying about what has happened to him. I know he has to be somewhere. He isn't dead. I won't believe that to be true; he's so much stronger than to face such a fate. He's out there hiding, probably afraid of what will come next... he lost all of his friends.

I feel like I let him down.

I can still remember it clear as day; the first time he had arrived to the Order -- he was so spontaneous and content. Such an opposite for how I acted on my first days in the Order. He walked right up to me in the lounge and said hello in quite an obnoxious manner. I couldn't help, but feel very apprehensive though; I had never really talked to boys before, and it made me nervous.

As the time went on, he continued trying to talk to me, and I eventually opened up to him (even though I really didn't want to... I was afraid I'd grow attached and be let down, as always). And we eventually became very good friends. That is, until he was transferred to the Asian Branch when the European one was destroyed...

I stayed behind to help rebuild the Order, and knew that it would be quite some time before I saw him again. We said our goodbyes in quite a dramatic manner... I don't know how long it lasted, but it was very hard for me to let go of him when we had our final embrace. I can still remember how he smelled when my face had dug into his chest.

Watching as he got on the train, I could see the cart that he had entered. He watched me through the window until the very end -- when the train had started to move. I tried to stay still and watch from the side, but as he moved farther from me, my feet began to race after him, chasing after the train until it was at a speed I couldn't catch up to.

I didn't let it get to me though; I was very good at letting go, and so it didn't ruin how I acted around others. I wasn't a very content person to be around anyways. I decided not to let it be a troubling memory... even though I can still remember each moment quite vividly. It's a terrible thing to be bonded to; all these visions is hold me down.

Arriving here to the Order in Asia... I thought that maybe there'd be some fleeting moment where I'd be able to see him just once again. It's beginning to worry me for his safety. As motherly and obsessed as that sounds -- he's truly one of the only people who ever gave me a chance as a human being to act as one -- not just some fighting machine who's every action is on impulse -- killing an innocent person who's been threatened by demons to save a particle so small, yet so important -- to only be seen as a dog on the streets whose soul has been sold to the Order. I've never once been recognized as a person with any personality or any feelings, and he gave me that chance to open up. So many of the Exorcists here are so crude and don't ever talk... I've ended up JUST LIKE THEM in every way, and I hate it. It's distasteful and only draws people away.

Whether I want to believe it or not, I'm afraid to say that it's inevitable; I'm hopelessly in love with someone I'll probably never see again.

Aemi Stronghold

March 5, 1890

It's been two years now since the European Branch was destroyed, rebuilt, and many of the Exorcists had been transferred to the Asian Branch. I was left behind, of course. I wasn't advanced enough to continue on, and had to stay behind to help out with rebuilding the Order. Many of the people I grew up knowing ended up leaving as well... And people wonder why I'm so antisocial.

I came across an odd person while I was on a mission in Verona, Italy. He's a bookman, as well as an Exorcist, much like Lavi. He's very quiet and awkward around people, as though he's afraid to make eye contact. He tried multiple times to get away from us, but rendered unconscious from a fall, and we took him back to the Order. I can understand how he feels, being forced against his will to be here... I tried to make his stay as painless as possible.

The scar on my wrist has gotten far more painful, and I'm not sure why. I tried researching different abnormal deformed eye diseases and such, but I can't find ANYTHING that has to do with eyes that are manifested with a flame. It's so odd... whenever there's innocence or Akuma in a location near to me, the flames just act on impulse. They also enrage if I'm angered or straining my innocence when in combat. Lately, it's been a lot more painful.

Yoite (the bookman exorcist) and I had gone to the medical department to get treated for the wounds we had gotten from an Akuma attack... we went in and they were trying to fix up my wrist... nothing seemed to work. All of the sudden, Yoite grabbed my hand and the pain receded immediately. Soon after, he fell over, coughing up blood.

Is there something he knows about my wrist that I don't? What if it's deathly? What if it's dangerous?

...What if I end up how Allen was... and get imprisoned, or even worse, Executed?

Aemi Stronghold

Janurary 27, 1891

It's been a year since the last time I found myself here. Me and Devi had gone to the Asian branch of the Black Order to find out some information about the Clergymen (while I was also trying to find Allen...) but we couldn't find any information. We were sent home a month early with no prevail at finding any information.

Look at this? Me and Devi were sent back to the Black Order Asian branch again a few days ago to do some more observations on the clergymen. Now since it's been a year, word about Allen's situation has made it quite nationally... he has a Noah inside of him and he was put for execution, but escaped.

What the hell am I going to do? I'm worried sick, but I can't go looking for him. If I did, I might end up getting killed. I'd be breaking so many rules with the Order and end up on their red list and also might end up being killed by the Noah inside of him.... so I guess I'll have to handle a secondary mission for now until I feel I'm strong enough to face Allen alone.

I'm going to Edo, Japan to see if there are any survivors from when I lived there. I hope I can find my brother. I wonder if Nagi is still alive... and if what the Earl told me years before is true, then my mother is there as an akuma. Now I can find her and kill her for sure. That is my goal. I have to be the one to kill her... she's the reason I'm cursed with this mark on my wrist.

I don't know what to do with myself. I haven't told anyone about my travels to Japan and if I get myself in too much trouble, they'll have no idea I'm out here. Let's just hope I'm strong enough to face her alone.

Aemi Stronghold